Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
—Bill Coonan

Q: What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything!
—Chris Findley

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.
—Teresa Soule

The Bushes and Clintons on a Train
George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. “How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing. “Watch and learn,” answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.
When they get to the station, they see the Clintons at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clintons see that the Bushes don’t buy any tickets at all.

“Aren’t you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?” says Hillary. “Watch and learn,” answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train, the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton’s toilet, knocks on their door and says, “Ticket, please.”
—Mark Vanderhoff

So… a dyslexic walks into a bra….
—Travis Medford

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
—Mary Long

Q: What does a snail say when it is riding on a turtle’s back?
A: Yee-ha!!!!
—Eric Soule

Q: Why didn’t the Buddhist vacuum under his bed?
A: Because he lacked attachments.
—Swami Shamananda

We think these jokes are the best! If you’ve got one that’s better (or just as good), email it to submissions@newlifejournal.com .

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